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My Stories

Stories told by Oliver Kagwe.
Reading Time: 1 minute

What’s Behind The Image?

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Reading Time: 4 minutesDoes Uhuru Kenyatta fart in his blankets? Does he make it worse by sniffing around as if hoping that this time it’ll smell like citronella? I know he’s the president but, si he is a person at the end of the day? And let us not lie, normal people [read: boys] do…

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Black.

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Reading Time: 5 minutes  I had never spoken to her before in my life. But when I did, she couldn’t hear anything I was saying. Love can be as deaf as it is blind and as blind as it is deaf. She couldn’t see the point I was making either. Because she was in love.…

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Nocturnal Enuresis & Being A Form 4.

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Reading Time: 4 minutes  Maybe the devil isn’t a lier. Maybe we just put the blame on him to make ourselves feel better. Because blaming someone or something other than yourself is somewhat relieving. In the spirit of the devil and lies and blames, I wasn’t blaming anyone for my mistakes today. I wasn’t going…

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There Is No Title For This One.

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Reading Time: 6 minutesAs I quickly write this blog, I am struggling to find what it is for. Like what it’s purpose is. But then my blog has been quite dormant and I am under a lot of internal (and external) pressure to write. I have not been writing because I like not writing. In…

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Few Things Last Forever.

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Reading Time: 5 minutesHad he not looked in that direction, Oliver would never have know what the essence of life is. He was not sure whether he had seen a prettier girl in his life ever before. He wasn’t even sure whether he had seen a girl before in his life (apologies, he often doesn’t…

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You Know What, Fuck It!

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Reading Time: 3 minutesHe said my blog was down, that it bores him when he has to come here looking for beautiful new stories then he has to bear the disappointment of finding none. He emphasised that consistency is very important if I am to make my blog a success. He continued to say that…

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Does Your Wallet Make You Happy?

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Reading Time: 5 minutesOn a little stool near the glass table lies a brown wallet. It was bought one random evening on a street in South B at 9PM in the night. Oliver assumes that the Maasai who he bought it from had walked all the way from Kajiado to South B (72.6 km) just…

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Don’t Gaze At Ceilings, It’s A Trap!

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Reading Time: 4 minutesA little SQ somewhere in South B is a cremation chamber. Global warming has decided to warm this tiny overpriced structure a little bit more than anywhere else. It is very quiet, this place. A silence that has a dullness in it. But is there anything as complete silence? Is there not…

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A Little Fish & Its Mother.

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Reading Time: 5 minutes“I want you to take this cheque to a man called Murathe. Specifically to him. Make sure that it his hands that touch this envelop next from your. You will find him at Family bank Kenyatta Avenue. Is it clear?” Instructed a big man in a pure cotton shirt that was definitely…

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A Desperate Woman & A Man With A Steak.

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Reading Time: 6 minutesOne day, a desperate woman hastened to go home to her children. Everything in her mind was a buzz: moving in random directions and random speeds at random times. She was experiencing a mixture of feelings; impatience, fear, regret, hopelessness, a bit of hope, determination, resentment and many other confused feelings. She…

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Who Doesn’t Love An Office Job.

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Reading Time: 8 minutes To be honest, there’s little pride in doing a dirty job. Ask anyone who does a dirty menial job they’ll tell you. If there was a possibility for them to do a ‘clean’ job, they’d sure as death jump on it. [Not that I cannot hear your thoughts wondering what dirty…

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Damn Your father!

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Reading Time: 5 minutes Our fathers have ruined their daughters, who shall we marry? They are screwing them left, right and centre – even top and bottom – abomination! They are driving them around with expensive vehicles and gifting them expensive lifestyles. They are competing with us for their children, and they are winning. I…

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Normal People Can Swim.

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Reading Time: 5 minutes When they approached the tomb with the intention of anointing Christ’s body, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were bloody shocked to find the huge tomb stone rolled away. Just beside the stone, two unbelievable men in clothing that ‘glowed like lightning’ told them that the impossible had happened; Jesus had…

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Where Does Allegiance Lie?

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Reading Time: 4 minutes I saw a post by a friend of mine that had me thinking more than I should have. The post went like: …Growing up means realising a lot of your friends aren’t really your friends… It then had hashtags like #fakepeople, #bereal, #selflove and more that I don’t remember. I don’t know why,…

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