Damn Your father!

Our fathers have ruined their daughters, who shall we marry? They are screwing them left, right and centre – even top and bottom – abomination! They are driving them around with expensive vehicles and gifting them expensive lifestyles. They are competing with us for their children, and they are winning.

I remember my Maria. I met her in church, and like a magnet to metal, I instantly got attracted to her. She was a fine ghel. Immaculate and impeccably beautiful. Grace and charm followed her like a shadow. On that very day, the gods were on my side. I think she found my bloody boring ass attractive. So after stealing glances of each other in the service, I gathered my guts and walked to her.

She made me blush. I remember how her her brazen skin and magnificent white teeth made my eyes teary. I said hi, she said hi back. We talked for a nervous while, and then I got her number. I imagine that after our first date she mused so much, because later in the middle of the night she called me, and said “bloody yes!”.

We were lovers to be envious of. Puppy love is still love.

I gave her all I could at the time. She gave me all she could at the time. We stayed together for 2 years. The blaze of love never growing smaller.

Then one unfortunate day she got mad at me. Mad because I hadn’t bought her an expensive gift for her birthday. All I did was write her a very lovely letter, bought her roses and chocolate and cake and wine. I explained that at the time, that was the best I could think of. But she did not want to hear the nonsense. If I had the resources, I’d have bought her a rocket, hired astronauts who’d fly her to mars, bought her large tracts of land on that red planet and built her a mansion with a heated pool there.

Another day she came to my house with a brand new S9. I knew her parents, they were poor. She didn’t have a job.

“So where did you get the money to buy that phone?”

“My cousin just landed from the US and she’s brought everyone goodies. Here’s your new Rolex!” She answered in a rather excited tone.

I loved watches. I couldn’t start overthinking here. And I sent many thanks to this kind cousin.

In the coming days, the babe I new morphed into a babe I should know. Her perfume changed. She no longer came to my house for anything let alone some good smashin’.

She wore new designer dresses (dresses that hardly began when they ended), heels and handbags. She even covered her blessed natural hair with some hideous wig! That was not the only natural thing she covered; she got some new nails so now you couldn’t tell her hands from a sloth’s claw, she changed her eye lashes so now they’re big enough to airlift her if she blinks enough times. Something else on the face was missing that I soon realised were her eyebrows!

Suddenly my jokes were not funny. Suddenly my SQ was too small. Suddenly I wasn’t ‘fuckwithable’. Suddenly, I couldn’t afford her. Suddenly, she became a nocturnal animal, never seen in the light of day. Even her WhatsApp statuses started to adopt the “Boss Lady” theme with key words such as main bitch, side bitch, basic bitch..bitch bitch”. She was ever busy – ever in studios or pouting lips while taking selfies with her girlfriends. Btw I didn’t like these girlfriends she was hanging out with nowadays. I won’t say much, but I can tell you that when you look at them, the only thoughts that quickly occupy your head are those of adultery. Most times even Uncle John will wake from his peaceful sleep.

Things seemed to be moving too fast. I was unable to catch up with Maria’s speed. By the time reality hit me, Maria was beyond my horizon.

One day, I invited my friend out for a drink so that I could share with him my problems. We went to a famous club in Nairobi. The club was known for money, flashy cars, sexy women, gay men and all that Sodom and Gomorrah shit.

As I bitterly sipped the bitter drink, my eyes wandered the dimly lit room and settled on guess who? Maria. She was looking sluty and flirty for the fat man seated next to her. Her scandalously dressed girlfriends were also there. With even fatter men. Obese to be precise. Men who sweated and panted just by the activity of breathing. I won’t say much, but I know I felt my heart sink in my chest. I knew there was nothing I could do. I tapped my friend and requested him to call an Uber. I did not belong here anymore. Before I left, I called the waiter, gave her the Rolex and asked her to take it to Maria without mentioning from whom it came from.

The bloody bimbo never even acknowledged receipt. I imagine she never cared. But anyway, I blame your fathers. They have taken our girls. We can’t afford them in this age where money has become such a requirement for any girl to love you. It’s almost as if we are buying the love (and the niceties that come with it). You are not lovable if you don’t have a lot of green paper. They won’t even turn when you call their names. Good things like companionship died with our grandmothers.

By the time people like us are getting all this money that they want, they will have already been used up, all juice squeezed out.They will be broken because your fathers only use them for pleasure. They give them a false perception that life is easy; that life is money and flashiness. Sooner or later, your fathers will loose them are replace them with other ones, or go back to their wives, or even die of HIV.

By this time, the girls we should marry are sick and desperate. They have never felt love. They have never struggled. They are just not girls who can make wives, let alone mothers.

The reason why I think boys have turned to sugar mummies is because there is a vacuum. Your dads are with our girls, leaving your moms alone and lonely. Your moms have needs and we have the untapped energy. So what eventually happens? The system adjusts itself so that everyone gets a share of the good life. Damn your bloody fathers!