I saw a post by a friend of mine that had me thinking more than I should have. The post went like: …Growing up means realising a lot of your friends aren’t really your friends… It then had hashtags like #fakepeople, #bereal, #selflove and more that I don’t remember. I don’t know why, but I thought about the post. I went in deeper than I should have – and now I am writing about it.
When I read it, I thought to myself that she must have been betrayed by her friend(s), felt the feeling of betrayal, or maybe she had a close friend who had experienced it, or perhaps it’s a movie she was watching.. I couldn’t ask her what her post meant because like most of your instagram friends (social media influencers), I have never inboxed her (because she wouldn’t reply anyway), let alone meet her in person. All I do is like her luscious photos, for obvious reasons. So I remained inside my head wondering.
I would describe a fake friend as one who is not REAL with you. They are in a relationship with you for all reasons but emotional and philial love. More often, they are there to gain more from you than they give, or just hung around to get intel from you, because they stand to gain something from that intel. Fake friends allow you to tell them more than they tell you. Before you realise that they are fake, they must have been real, judging by what I have experienced.
Fake people are not good people. They are not people other people like. So, why do we have fake people?
My answer is self interest. Google defines self interest as “one’s personal interest or advantage, especially when pursued without regard for others.” According to Charles Darwin, “survival of a species is highly dependent on how well it adapts to its environment/circumstance.” Human beings as well. Only the people who know how to play the game play it and get good results, if not win. Now, because no one wants to be left behind in the deep dark pit of failure, and in some other case, death, one must fight tooth and nail to survive, to live. Only few people would give up their lives for the sake of others. Self interest therefore, is anything done with even the tiniest of traces of personal advantage, with or without regard for others. This is where fake people come in.
Fake people don’t mean to be fake – at least not all of them. They are people driven and blinded by their self interests. People will always align themselves with where their interests are best served. Let me put it into perspective for you: You are a hot chic. Lets call you Maya. Unfortunately your looks don’t match your purse – you are broke. All your life, you have lived in poverty and you have had this very specific dream of getting not just yourself, but also your mother out of that mess. Spencer is this very rich guy. He has shown interest in you and is ready to splash hefty amounts just so you can be happy. However, Spencer is married. To add salt to the injury, he has a very low percentage of beauty (I am trying not to call him ugly). He’s got a wrinkled face, a belly big enough to carry two of your pregnancies at one go, an old, black, saggy ass that barely hold his pants and very primeval behaviours – like drooling. I don’t mean to say but [sigh], this monkey’s got a veeery short tail. But Spencer loves girls and whatever niceties they come with.
So here we have 2 people with 2 separate needs who have found a common point, where their self interests meet. You (Maya) will get money from Spencer and Spencer will receive heavenly pleasures from you . It is like a buyer seller situation, that is driven highly by self interests.
Spencer is not anywhere near what you would like for a boyfriend. In fact, a face like his has never appeared in your nightmares. You persevere through the ‘relationship, or is it, ‘situationship?’ despite this. You behave yourself and give in to all his demands. You know it’s boring but you try to spice things up by calling him sweet nothings and teasing him once in a while. You excite him and keep him excited. When he is excited, he unleashes the money that you so desperately need.
Lets focus on Maya alone for a moment. Maya has two things motivating her habits. The fear of poverty, and the pursuit of money. Poverty is her version of ‘not surviving’. Money and wealth is her version of ‘best fit’. It is her greatest interest. Naturally, we don’t like to be in pain or uncomfortable situations, like poverty. Self interest. It is the interest of a person that they want to be the best they can, in the best circumstances – just like Maya.
The sales people who align themselves to the interests of their buyers make the most sales. They survive. The man who aligns himself to the best interests of his desired woman wins her over. You will always win if you position yourself to satisfy a persons self interest.
Fake people are there for a reason, and more-so their own reason. They want something out of being in contact with you. Maya for instance, can be called a fake friend. She is there for the money only. The more we grow, the more valuable we become to society. The more valuable we become, the more the people looking for our value. Most of these people have their own lives and agendas. They have set their own goals that they need to achieve. Maya needs to live a good wealthy life. Spencer has the value she wants – money. Spencer loves beautiful girls, and Maya is a beautiful girl. How then will it be difficult for them to connect? Some of these people will spot our value and align themselves with us to tap this value for as long as they need to. Once they are done siphoning all the value, they leave to continue with their lives.
So in my view, fake friends are not entirely fake for the heck of it. Their allegiance to you is highly dependent on how well they feel their self interests served. That is why when we make new pals, our levels of friendships with them each of them differ. To avoid the reputation of a ‘fake friend’, we can mitigate the damage by being political. Managing all these friendships in a way that does not cause the other person to feel manipulated. While this might work for a while, it has its own downsides. It plays with the sensitive nature of coercion and manipulation tactics, as well as trust.
A question that comes to my head now is, if we are all selfish in a way, can any one individual point a finger at another and call them selfish?
If you have a different perspective of this issue, please share it with me.