What Happens To You After Men Have Gone Back Their Wives?

What Happens To You After Men Have Gone Back Their Wives?

What Happens To You After Men Have Gone Back Their Wives?

6000 4000 Oliver Kagwe

A village in the middle of nowhere celebrates the achievement of one of their daughters who just passed her national exams and has now been called to a renown university in Nairobi. She carries the hopes of an entire people. And off she goes to the big city. She knows she has to excel. She is aware that she has to make it so that she can empower her siblings. She plans to study hard, get a side hustle and to not be like girls of Nairobi – who she has heard being described as scarlet women (no offence, girls of Nairobi).

But when she settled in the city, life pushed her a bit. Sometimes she did not have enough pocket money to even pay her bus fare. Other times the girls in her class would come flashing new designer apparel while wearing perfumes that smell like a million bucks. She noticed the Louis Vuitton handbags they carry, and the high-end smartphones that they pull out of these bags. And in the phones are galleries of photos the girls took while living large in some resort in Diani – tossing Belaire Rose and fuming shisha. She has never had any of these things but she knows they are good – at least judging by what she has seen.

Enjoy Life While You Can
Ecclesiastes 9:7-10 Expanded Bible (EXB)
So go eat your food ·and enjoy it [L with gladness];
    drink your wine ·and be happy [L with a glad heart],
because ·that is what God wants you to do [L God has already approved your deeds].
Put on ·nice [L white; C festive] clothes
and ·make yourself look good [L do not spare oil on your head; Ps. 23:5;45:7Prov. 27:9Is. 61:3].

One night she agrees to accompany her rich friends to a posh club in the leafy suburbs of the city. On the way, she is told about ‘life in Nairobi’ and how it is important to live large. After all, you’ve only got one life, which you live only once. Later that night, she has her first wine. A bit later, she is introduced to this guy. Further into the dark, she gets a call from that guy. Many days later, she accompanies him to Bahrain because she is his assistant.

Nowadays, she has an instagram account with numbers that can vote in an MCA. And she not only follows but also adores the newly ‘rebranded’ Vera Sidika. Incase you live in the forest, I feel like it is my duty to inform you about issues of national importance, such as the Vera Sidika story. So, the originally black Vera who bleached herself white is now black again. That’s right! Nothing feels as good as home! Oh, by the way, our girl has also considered bleaching as well – the ancestors of her village are about to turn in their graves to give room for her mother who would, upon seeing this ungodly phenomenon, drop dead.




She became ‘someone this guy can talk to.” This guy became someone she sold her soul to. All for a high life. Her mother’s fridge is full, and her purse swells. She is proud of her daughter, but is more thankful to God for giving her a ‘well-paying job in the city’. She keeps saying, “May God bless where that came from.” May God bless the man who bought the soul of her daughter.

With no shame, I have a confession to make. At some point in my young life, I might have watched Kim Kardashians sex tape that was released in 2007. In fact, I know someone who might have done something a little bit more than watch it. Just something a little bit more [insert naughty emoji]. I believe that this sex tape greatly interfered with the stitching of the fabric of the Kenyan society. It’s like the designers and their tailors also watched it. Here is what happened:-

Around this time, the exponential growth of social media had began, with facebook leading the way. In my view, social media is like the sun; it came and shone its light on everything going on in the world – good and bad alike. It is social media that spread news of the leaked sex tape. And it is on social media that young girls met Kim Kardashian. And they loved her style. And the went on the on the internet and searched for everything they could find about her. And they found. Some were greatly impressed and desired to be like her; others were disgusted. And boys, boys just strangled the cockerel.

In the wake of corruption (of the mind, morals and money), ideologies such as right-wingers and left-wingers, LGBTQI[insert your other alphabets], feminists and all those others that I have not mentioned, in came ”Socialites‘ (Urban Dictionary definition). Maybe they have always been there, but not in our faces the way they are nowadays. Socialites, who are mostly female, influenced the aspirations of many girls in Kenya. They revolutionised harlotry.

Extracted from businesstoday.co.ke


But then what happens after sponsors have come and gone? Now that age has caught up with you, where do you go? Where do you take your wrinkly skin? What do you do? How do you justify how you have lived your life? Are you proud of yourself? And society, what’s your status in society? Do you have kids? How do they view you in light of what you have done?  Do you have a clear conscious after how you have lived your life?  Would you be proud if your kids to followed your path? How differently would you have lived your life?

One thing is certain; this men will not be here forever. They will go back to their wives. And you shall be left alone. You will desire to settle down with your own man. Or maybe not. But what values do you have? What do you know about humility? What do you understand about the process of life? How about patience? Hard work? Trust? Communication? You are used to a fast life. Your life is about instant gratification and show. You are a desperate person.

You have been abused by these very men. Both physically and emotionally. They’ve used you. They have broken your spirit. How damaged are you now that they are done with you? Do you think they cared? If they did, why were you hiding? Why is he not here now? Now that life has hit you head on like a high speed train! What family do you want to start when you wrecked homes? How will you even trust in your man now that you have seen what men do with young girls? How will your man trust you considering your vast experience in living a lie?

Here is a similar read: https://okagwe.com/johnny-doesnt-care/

In 2014, Vera Sidika said that “My body is my business – and it is a money maker.” Will your now sagged body that looks like melting ice cream make you money anymore? Exactly what happens after blessers have come and gone, leaving you alone? Do you start a fashion brand? A make up line? What? I have seen some veteran Socialites like Huddah Monroe try to force themselves to us as ‘serial entrepreneurs and business women’. Ridiculously enough, the sponsor culture is being promoted as some form of women empowerment. One cannot open their mouth to slut-shame these days. Because it is an okay thing to be. Just like the alphabet people – the benders.

When I grow up, I don’t want to waste dowry on a person who has an expensive phone but does not know how to use it. I don’t want a woman who knows more about gossip in showbiz than she knows the essence of her life. I don’t want weakness in personality because her strength is in the size of her butt or the volume of her boobs. I want authenticity because no matter what colour you bleach your skin, you cannot bleach the person you are. Someone who has lived a genuine life without any feelings of regret for she has done. I want to marry a good woman. A woman with good values and good traits. A good woman who shall make a good wife. One who is aware of feelings such as love and intimacy.


While everyone is responsible for their own lives, I’d like to know what happens after blessers have gone. If you have an experience or know someone who has one, please share it with me at [email protected]