I get off on many things in life. Except math. Math is frustrating. Math is like trying to untangle tangled up earphone cables in a hurry – you only make it worse by trying harder. I consider that it is because of my relationship with math that I do not also trust people who say they are in relationships but “it’s complicated.” They make it sound as if their partner is a math problem – a tangled up mess of earphone cables. But I must say, my relationship with my blog can’t be described any better. It is more than complicated.
I remember it was back in the April of 2018. Oblivious to the great struggle that lay ahead, I began my writing journey. Such was the excitement that I even got my own domain name rather than begin like most bloggers do – with a predefined domain name (instead of okagwe.com, this blog would be something like oliver.home.blog). The first few months were easy. But that’s the thing about life and math; in the instance it begins to look easy, it gets hard and harder. I began to go for days, weeks and even months without updating the content on my site. Not because I am lazy, but because nothing is easy.
Often times I open my laptop and begin to string down a few sentences with the intention of telling a story, but in equally often times I delete everything and shut the damn computer with a bang! Have you ever stared at a blank piece of paper so hard your eyes almost bleed? Have you ever thought about the next word in your sentence so hard your head hurts? That is how bad it has been. I have been rendered a toddler, knowing exactly what I want say but not having the words to say it. Sometimes I wish the words would just appear on the blankness. But that it not how life works. Things don’t just appear. You pursue them with great effort. And there is something about effort and pain that is not pleasant.
People who say they are in a relationship but “its complicated” are not to be trusted with anything. Mark my words. They are greedy. They like having it all to themselves. But I am not those kinds of people. If you click here and here you will notice determined attempts to rekindle my dying writing fire. I put effort. Spending time staring at an empty page until a huge vein appears on your forehead is not a thing for the feint of heart. It is painful and requires a lot of effort, just like life.
Having said that, as I put down this, I am grateful for a realisation that I came to. I now understand that my blog is not a platform for entertaining the world. The essence of my blog is to for me to express myself. It is my outlet. Whether good or bad, its a part of my brand. If it happens to spark the interests of the world, then so be it. Do what you like doing because you like doing it, not because they like when you do it.